More Steampunkery...

A Steampunk Christmas

Round 1....

Round 2...

Standing vigil...

   It's been a long night.

  

  We are on night three of a horrible virus for my sweet baby.  I don't think any person likes to feel the kind of hopelessness that creeps in when you sit, alone, in the dark, watching your child sleep on a stretcher.  I smooth her hair back, a thousand times before I realize that I'm not doing it because it's bothering her.  She is finally asleep- the first time she's slept at all in days.  After probably the thousand and one stroke, I recognize what it is.  It's an invocation.  

  I've struggled a lot lately with my inability to 'hear God'. I recognize that my twitchy, 'multitasking is a must' personality probably means that I have too much noise happening inside my head to hear Him.  I find it interesting that the God that roars chooses to whisper to His children sometimes.  So here, with my chair drawn as close as it can get to the stretcher, my feet propped on the base, I sit and I watch.

  I also realize that I feel the need to fill any conversation with God full to the brim with words, as if I was letting Him know the important information.  For once, I don't do the talking.  I don't even remember beginning the conversation, much less who initiated it.  Somewhere in touching her cheeks, I realize I'm not checking for her temperature anymore.  

  In touching her cheek, I am commending her to her Father.  It's a prayer of thanks, of love and of concern each time, wordless, but I know He understands.

  At some point, I can't say when,  I realized I am not standing watch alone.  Remember I haven't slept at all through all of this either with the exception of a few seconds snatched while rocking her on the bathroom floor.  Maybe the sleep deprivation helps.  Either way, it got me thinking.

  The word 'vigil' comes from the Latin 'vigilia', referring to an 'intentional sleeplessness'.  Wikipedia (God bless hospital intranet access) is very specific in stating it was a purposeful watchfulness, often associated with devotion.  

  My first question was how do I stand vigil?  

  I sit near enough that she knows I am here, even while she sleeps.  I am close enough that she will see me as soon as she opens her eyes.  I dodn't want her to be scared if she wakes in the dark in a strange place.  I'm as tightly strung as a bow string, ready to provide whatever she neededs, which as of late has been a trashcan.  I watch intently enough that the nurses are comfortable giving me basic instructions and leaving us be- they can see that they can trust me to take care of her.  

  Why did I stand vigil?  That question has a lot of answers.  

  I watch because I care.  Because I love her.  I watch because she is mine, both in responsibility and joyful gift.  I watch because she needs me.  I watch because to not watch would drive me crazy.  I can't even stand to not touch her.  I watch (and soothe) because I can't stand to see her pain.  

  The logical side of my brain queried what is actually accomplished by my vigil?  

  I know that God was watches over her.  In fact, I am sure, beyond any doubt, that He is watching her at this moment.  I'm also aware that He is watching over her exhausted mama and her bruised heart.   I am acutely aware of how quickly things that seem benign can turn in to a nightmare that is capable of swallowing you whole.  I understand that He keeps her safe, not me.  I watch because I can't stand to do nothing, even when I know it won't actually do anything to lessen her discomfort.  

  Finally, it has occurred to me that I am simply interceding for her because she is in need.  I can recognize that the Lord watches over us constantly.  Flipping through a website I like to use for my bible research, I came across a verse in Exodus 12... "the Lord kept vigil that night to bring them out of Egypt... (vs.42)".

  Here we see the Lord, who continually kept an eye on his chosen people in bondage, recognized that they needed a little extra care on this night before they headed into a hectic season of their lives.  It felt like the Lord knows that Courtney needs a little extra care tonight.  

   How was God watching over us in that room?  

  I've already mentioned the uncanny feeling of Him being in the room, keeping me company in my watch.  Psalm 121 seemed to get me started in the right direction.  It indicated a few things about my watchmate:

² My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm —
    he will watch over your life;
⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore. 

   

  He's not going to fall asleep.  He won't miss a single detail.  

  Why God watched over Courtney and I through the night seemed like a very simple answer, and was very similar to my own.  It was as if He were repeating my own answers back to me:

       I watch because I care- about your body, about your heart and about your soul.

I watch because I love you both.

I watch because you are mine, both in responsibility and joyful creation.

I watch because you need me.  

I watch because to not watch would drive me crazy, I want to be with you.

I watch, and I comfort because I can't stand to see you in pain. 

  What is accomplished by His watch?  

  I think I needed a reminder that this is the One who made the stars.  The One who made the human body such a wonderful and intricate system, reflecting His love for perfection and detail.  It became less of a question of what was accomplished by His watch (that was obvious), but what He was teaching me in showing me His own vigil.  I recognize that He will keep us both safe.  That as dedicated as I am in my attention on my daughter, it is incomparable to the care and dedication He lavishes on us both.  The best of my parental intentions, as pure as my heart may be at times in that duty, I can't even grasp how His own heart beats for mine.

  Even leaving the hospital, I now have a very intense feeling that He is still watching and simply waiting for my mind to comprehend the things He has made clear through the use of a dark, quiet room in the middle of the night. 

Cutting It Out...

Things I don't have to buy anymore....

Shampoo

Conditioner

Lip Balm (like that'll stop me anyways...)

Lip Scrub

Lotion

Soap

Bubble Bath

Bath Bombs

Laundry Soap

and now.....  Fabric Softener :)

  Have I mentioned how much I _love_ Pinterest?  I found this link for a homemade fabric softener on a blog called "One Good Thing".  To be honest, I would like to eventually eliminate the conditioner just for the fact of all of the chemicals, but I figured it's a start, and quite frankly, I have a ton of conditioner freebies from couponing and no free fabric sheets :D  Necessity is the mother of invention, or something along those lines, right?

The recipe Jill uses involves 6 cups of water, 3 cups of vinegar and 2 cups of conditioner. 

That's it.

Really.

I used a tropical coconut conditioner from Suave and made a half batch to try it out.  I'm a little obsessive, so I put the whisk attachment on my stick blender and attempted to make it as homogenous as possible.... 

She suggests spritzing it on a dishtowel and throwing it in the dryer or even adding it to the washer just like you would any other liquid softener.  I picked the dishtowel method...and now we wait... for the dryer to buzz :)

The Missing Christmas Lamb

This morning we finally set up the Christmas trees!  I say finally because I prefer to put them up the day after Thanksgiving, but it has been a very busy couple of weeks to say the least!  As we finished up the last string of lights, Cole reminded me of the Missing Christmas Lamb.

A couple of years ago, I had bought a cute little nativity scene from the Family Christian Bookstore.  Courtney was just about to turn 4 the next month, and was very interested in the little figures.  Every time she would walk by the foyer table, I would see her stop and look at the little dressed up children.  It warmed my heart to see her kiss her little finger and touch the baby Jesus. 
Maybe it was seeing her stop there everyday that made me look at the scene each time I passed, but whatever the reason, I noticed something was 'off' one day.

The lamb was gone. 

I checked under the table, I looked in the kitchen.  I even looked in the dogs' kennel.  I couldn't find the lamb anywhere. 
Now if it had been the baby Jesus missing, I would have asked Courtney about it right off the bat.  In this case, I asked Cole if he knew where the lamb had gone.

"Courtney was petting it this morning."

Hmmm.... suspicious.

I went and found Courtney playing in her room.
"Courtney, do you know where the little lamb from the table is?"
Big eyes.
Ah ha.
"Courtney, where's the lamb?"
Big eyes. Sigh.
"Jesus' lamb?" she asked, careful not to make eye contact.
"Yes, that one."

Another sigh.  She reluctantly put down her baby doll and went to her bed.  Her little hand slid under the pillow and retrieved the little lamb.
I thought it was so cute that she loved that little lamb so much she just had to keep him is a special place close to her. 

Follow my erratic thought pattern here for a second...
The lamb reminded me of how Jesus is the Lamb of God.  Jesus is also considered the Word of God. 
Psalm 119:11 says "I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you." 
Aren't we supposed to keep Jesus and his words in our hearts?  Courtney seemed to be understanding this is a very sweet and simple child's way.

The next thought that occurred to me in the symbolism of the situation is how often the Lamb is lost in Christmas and goes unnoticed.  A very sobering thought for sure. 
We played music all morning while we fluffed branches and strung lights.  I can only recall two that mentioned Jesus' birth.

My children know the reason for the season (excuse the corny line).  They know it's essentially a big birthday party for the Savior.  But maybe we need to work on infusing Him into every little moment of the holiday instead of just being pleasantly surprised when an obvious reference pops up.

The lamb is back on the table. 

Now to work on getting the Lamb back in everything else :)

"She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."  Matthew 1:21

Laundry Soap

Sorry, that's the most inventive title I'm up to today... my eyes are still stinging from the ammonia (see facebook post for blonde moment of the day details O_O)

So I had to make a quick stop by Wal-mart for a few essentials yesterday.  I dont' know about you, but these little stops usually land me close to $100 poorer every time.  And let me just say I _loathe_ paying so much for laundry soap and dish soap.  I guess that comes from getting it free from a friendly neighbor in Corpus Christi.  It's taken us 3 years to go through all of the tubs of dish soap she gave us!

I searched for a good laundry recipe and landed on this one from www.thyhandhathprovided.blogspot.com 
Jane has all kinds of great recipes and inspirations for getting back to basics and out of the stores ;)

Of course, I was looking this up in the middle of the Wal-mart isle on my phone via Pintrest (another note, if you're not browsing pintrest.com you're missing out on life.  Seriously.)

I was ecstatic when Walmart had all 3 ingredients I needed!  You have to understand, I live in a geographical and commercial oddity.  We are 1 1/2 hrs away from ANYTHING you might actually need unless it's bread and milk!  Here's how the recipe went:

1 (5 gallon) bucket
long handled spoon
container to store the finished soap in (*think clean juice or random plastic jug)
hot tap water
1 Fels-Naptha Laundry Soap Bar (*or Ivory soap bar for sensitive skin, Castile soap for SUPER sensitive skin or baby laundry detergent-- see links at bottom of page)
1 c washing soda
1/2 c borax

(my alterations have an *)

I was a little hesitant about where I was going to store 5 gallons of laundry soap, to I divided the recipe and made a 1/4 batch.  My finished amount was about 1.5 gallons.  If you make the full recipe, it makes 5 g of concentrate and 10 g of ready-to-use.

1.  Grate the laundry soap bar and add to a medium sauce pan with 4 c of water.  Heat over med-hi heat and stir occasionally until the soap is completely melted.  *This may take a little time, but you really want to get it ALL melted down!
2.  While that's melting, fill your large bucket of choice (*I used a big 2 gallon glass jar)  half full with HOT tap water.
3.  Once the bar is melted, add it to the hot water in the bucket along with the borax and washing soda.  Stir well until everything is dissolved (*Seriously- mix well.  This is the easiest point to mix, much more difficult once it's gelled) These pics are of the gelled concentrate:

4. Add enough HOT tap water to finish filling the bucket and stir again.
5.  Cover tightly and let it sit overnight to thicken, *and it will!  Stir again in the morning.

When you're ready to use it, stir the detergent well and then fill the old detergent bottle (or whatever easy to handle jug you're going to use) half full, then fill the reminder with water.  Shake well before each use.
For top loading machines, use 5/8 c per load.  For from loading, 1/4 c.

Once you get the hang of it, you can experiment with adding a few drops of essential oils to the mix for a nice scent.  The Fels-Naptha bar has a strong clean scent when you grate it, but it's diluted considerably by the time you use it. 

An extra tip is to add vinegar to the rinse cycle!  My friend Erika suggests a 1/2 c for every load. This will remove any residue from the detergent and soften clothes nicely.  Believe it or not, you will NOT smell the vinegar once it dries...I'm still trying to convince people of this with my shampoo bars ;)  But, should you....oh, I don't know.....mix up the ammonia bottle and the vinegar bottle (hypothetically of course) you WILL smell that for sure.  I'm not sure if it was the ammonia stinging or my pride stinging O_O...... ammonia is now safely in the garage :D


If you're looking for Castile or Bastile (90% olive oil, 10% coconut oil) soap, check out these pages on etsy:
Castile
Bastile

The Reflection of the Refrigerator...

  I have been falling behind in my housekeeping duties miserably lately-- I know, surprise surprise :)  I think the whole 'kids gone all day' thing has really thrown me for a loop lately, but that's an entirely different posting that's going to take more time than I have right now!

Anyways!  I was heading to the fridge for who knows what- just because the kids are gone doesn't mean I've reclaimed any of that brain power I lost during pregnancy :/ and I noticed two things...

A-- it looks sooo much better since I finally purged all the layers of 'stuff' from the outside!  I think the magnets were screaming in protest at the abuse they were being put through holding up long expired coupons and paper upon paper that, wether visible or not, had a knack for getting lost in the general cold chaos...


B-- My fridge tells my life story.  Well, at least part of it.

You see, everything important to me is represented on this appliance. 

I have priceless works of art... the pumpkin drawing from Courtney's art class (complete with pumpkin patch on the back) and Cole's numerous monster drawings awaiting their frames for our Halloween decor.

Pictures of my family...John and I on a date, my brother, sister-in-law and mother's graduation pictures

A picture of the little boy, David we sponsor in Tanzania (need to get another letter put in the mail!)

A calender for the week detailing what needs to be done...yes, I know it's empty.  That's pretty telling in itself :P

Spelling words and school projects with little fingerprints in paint...

A card from my mother with Texas Bluebonnets on it...

Report cards with delightful comments from the teachers and very good grades...

So next time when I stand in front of the fridge, maybe it won't be to peruse the goods inside, but the goods outside... less filling to the waist line, but much more filling to the heart <3